You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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