my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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