Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
