Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
