just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Congratulations! We have a period
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
