there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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