he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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