my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
