shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Randomize
