Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
