i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
