i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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