Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
