He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
