i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You left your underwear on the fireplace
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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