I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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