You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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