false alarm. still invincible.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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