What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
