Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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