I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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