If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
