Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
