I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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