Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize