my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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