i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
