You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
