Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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