Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
