I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Randomize
