just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
