I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Let's get the cat blown out
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
