if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
