im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
