Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Found your dick twin last night
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
