i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
