so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
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I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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