So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Randomize
