just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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