im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
