Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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