why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Terrible idea I love it
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
