Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
