He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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