I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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