soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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