angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
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If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
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God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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