You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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