I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
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There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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