Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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