There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
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