When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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