So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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