im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
