then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize