he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
