Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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