Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
