so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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