Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
