I accidentally had phone sex last night
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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