just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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