So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
you had me at cake vodka
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
