after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
The air was thick with penises
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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