what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
