We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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