who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
The maid of honor just puked.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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