No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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