Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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