Plan B is the new Plan A
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
