I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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